What A Morning

Today is Sunday, July 30, 2023 and it’s not a good day. As much as I tried to take it easy this weekend and catch up on my rest I’m still not feeling good physically. I’ve been feeling fatigued and not really in the mood to do anything. I’m also feeling drained on an emotional level…I’m mentally exhausted about everything. I took some melatonin on Thursday to help me sleep better and thankfully it did…But I still woke up on Friday feeling a bit out of it and tired. My sleep wasn’t too bad Friday night but I didn’t really get a good night’s sleep last night. Maybe I was anxious about this morning’s blood test results? Maybe I felt daunted by the week’s work ahead? Maybe I reached a breaking point and it’s all catching up with me? Or maybe it was just a bad night’s sleep. Period.

Although I woke up this morning feeling groggy, I gathered all the strength I had in me to get dressed and be ready for the day. The plan was to get back in the hydro pool at my PT session later today so I packed all my gear for that. I got a call from PMR in the morning telling me that my OT session was cancelled for today. I was actually kind of relieved to hear that…One less appointment to worry about for the day. I left the house at 8:00 am and headed to Amiri Hospital. Due to uncontrollable circumstances, today was the first time I go alone, without my husband (tear). Honestly he’s been my rock, with me at every appointment and I couldn’t be more thankful for his support. Even though I’m capable of completing everything on my own now, his absence was truly felt. First thing’s first every Sunday morning…My weekly bloodwork. Like routine clockwork, I was in and out within 10-15 minutes maximum. Next up, the pharmacy…It was time to restock on my 2-month medication (pictured above). Thankfully that didn’t take too long either and they were able to dispense it all to me within 15 minutes. Next, I headed to the fifth floor where I was supposed to pick up a blood test result which I had done 3 weeks ago that was requested by my dermatologist. Unfortunately, long story short, that sample was misplaced and there’s no record of me ever taking that test so we’ll need to repeat it this coming Thursday. Once I was done dealing with that I headed to the sixth floor to see my doctor. It’s been 2 weeks since she last saw me and examined me and she just wanted to check-in on me. As soon as she asked me how I was doing I had a full-fledged meltdown. I couldn’t control myself…My emotions got the better of me. She was amazing at consoling me and comforting me. She was very encouraging and made me realize just how far I’ve come and that I should be proud of myself…I am happy with how far I’ve come and I am proud of myself, but I’m also really, really, really tired of it all. I wish I could close my eyes, open them, and just wake up from this bad dream. Back to reality though, it is what is and hopefully I’ll overcome this. We had a good session and she was happy with my physical progress. She told me we could space out my bloodwork to every 2 weeks moving forward instead of weekly. She told me it was time to get my upper endoscopy and colonoscopy screenings done. She gave me a referral to get an appointment done for those but I’d have to go to the Thunayan Al-Ghanim Gastro Center Building to schedule the appointment for them. And that’s exactly what I did when I was done with her. Unfortunately the earliest appointment they could give me was November 1…They said they’ll most likely give me a closer appointment in September or October but I’ll have to wait to receive a call from them regarding that. In the meantime, my doctor advised me to look into making an appointment through the private sector which I’ve gone ahead and done. My consultation with the gastroenterologist is tomorrow evening and we’ll take it from there.

As you can imagine, it was quite a morning. By the time I was done at Thunayan Al-Ghanim Gastro Center it was already 10:15 and I would have arrived too late for my PT swimming session and honestly, I was SO exhausted at this point, I just wanted to be back home, in bed! And that’s exactly where I’ve been all day…with no plans to move. I know everyone has their own battle and that life is full of challenges that get thrown our way and there will always be ups and downs…I’m ok with this current down because I know I’ll come out of it sooner or later. My therapist has taught me to acknowledge and validate my feelings, no matter what they are, and that’s what I intend to do. Today I’m feeling down and defeated.

 اللَّهمَّ لا سَهْلَ إلَّا ما جعَلْتَه سَهلًا وأنتَ تجعَلُ الحَزْنَ سَهلًا إذا شِئْتَ.